stress isn't helpful.

Hi WWW
I know I know I was going to post everyday then well...life. actually more to the point....FAMILY.

Yep family can either help or hinder anyone but even more so for Bipolar especially if your family is like mine.

I'm trying to study but I have my mum now studying and kicking me off my pc instead of dealing with her net issues while tell me things like don't say that to your kids, that not what I would do, and the dreaded are you taking your meds you seem manic/depressed. Not Helpful!!!

Lot of people think checking up on your medication is fine and helpful even encouraging well its not. do you go to a diabetic and ask about their diet or insulin?
Lot of people think if you are bipolar you are either depressed or manic that is it.

Sadly this is my mother.

As you may or may not know stress or too much stress can bring on episodes of maniac/depression sometimes. Constant stress is not a good idea for bipolar we need to relax n chill more then most for our mental health. My mum is a constant stress, our relationship is strained as we butt heads on raising kids, health and of course my illness, meds and because of my illness about my dad too (he is also bipolar).

My mum's comments and constant questions has also at times strained my marriage as my husband works to understand and work out how to relate to me on my mental health illness. My mum has the idea of what i will do based on my dad, and uses that in how she talks to me, poor hubby is trying to find the truth in the stories so he can help me more....for him it is a mind field and more then once has lead to me in tears when he has got the wrong end of the stick.

so I've been having a rough time but here I am still on meds still going one day after another just the idea of moving is looking better and better health wise sadly.

ok people take care talk soon.

ps thanks to my sis in the UK for proof reading this. Lol posting at 2am is not good for my spelling and grammar lol

and were back.....

Hi WWW,
I have be slack yep there I said it. There is much to say that's been going on to lead to such pathetic post rate.

1. Dad is life treating hospital trip due to his own stupidity. He is a diabetic that ignored it and hope it went away for 15 years!!!
He was admitted to hospital and had
Septicemia (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002331/ ),
Hyperglycaemia (http://www.diabetesaustralia.com.au/en/Understanding-Diabetes/What-is-Diabetes/Hyperglycaemia/ ),

Necrotizing soft tissue infection on his big toe (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001443.htm) (no flesh eating bacteria was found thankfully.)

He ended up losing the toe and getting grilled buy hospital staff and his children.

I also found out my father (bipolar and other goodies) was taken for his medications by his GP and was for the last 5 years having his medication played with by his GP. normal small changes slightly up or down are fine under the guides the psychiatrist as written up. This is not the case.

I hit the roof one that my dad would allow that to happen two that the GP over stepped his training in such a way. he saw the hospital Psychiatrist would quickly put him back on his medications and talked to him about one changing doctors and two staying on medications.

Oh but the fun doesnt end there!!!

I had my first car crash. Yep i totaled the car and took out a fence. yeah I'm good lol.

A speeding car almost hit my daughter door as i was merging after a set of lights....problem was when i served back into my lane having suddenly see the car that was there last time I shoulder checked (I checked again thankfully!) my lane was not even half the size of my car!! so i hit the fence that was there between me and the foot path.

The speeding car never stopped.

luckily no one was hurt just the car which means I have to go through the painful process of buying a car all over again. My hubby is someone who wants to take time to make a decision, the only issue with that is we loose great cars to other people while he is thinking long n hard about it. drives me Batty!! he knows he does it and is working on making decisions quicker.

Ok enough about doom n gloom!
the good stuff....
My medications are finally settled so i just need repeats from my Gp :) happy dance but I have been told I need more boundaries with my folks so they don't stress me as much.

We got another husky!! our first (and not the last) foster failure, her name is OoKami (means wolf in Japanese i was told.....Kami for short.) and she looks like our boy Dante's twin. Hubby loved her within minuets and we now hold the record for fastest adoption. 3 hours and she was ours.

She is a sweetie and the kids just adore her, Dante likes her except when she gives him kisses and doesn't know when to stop!! lol She loves going to the park with the kids and we are teaching her all the sled terms ready for the start of the season :)

well that's it for now. Just a major update.

post soon

sometimes life seems to fall on you

Hi Eeveryone,

So with the black wave hitting me Life seems to be getting the better of me. Add to take some family drama and letting myself give in to the desire to stay in bed all day is getting hard to ignore.

Study is at a crawl and my housework is still getting done sort of. I must admit I've let it go a bit in the last few days but I'm determined to keep on top of it.

Our foster Husky has a meet and greet with possible adopters today so I have to get him brush and walked before that so he is calm and happy. I must admit my pups get me up ad out some days I love them to bits.

The kids are going great and are starting to get the hang of play nice most of the time thankfully.

well this is just a short post today as Lots to do and not much time.

love you All

been a few days......

I know its been a few days since I have posted on here, I have been dealing with the 3 hours of sleep then "hyper attacks" as I call them. and believe me they are NOT fun.

A "hyper attack" as i have nicknamed these things is where i wake up my mind is racing i'm shaky fidgeting and my eyes are looking around really fast. My house mate who leaves in the mini unit down stairs saw me in this state and said I looked "high".

After this "hyper attack"I can't sleep. I'm restless and try as I might I can't sleep so I end up having to have a few hours sleep in the day.

They have just put my medication up and I think this might have something to do with it. I am hoping it goes away once I adjust to these new amounts as when not trying to sleep I'm feeling a lot better.

I am still in the black wave time my focus isn't great, it hard to get motivated and I'm quick to get frustrated. The good news is I don't feel OVERLY sleepy and not just for the a fore mentioned reason. Before I was Diagnosed I was spending days in bed not wanting to moved more then I had to, I'd get up get the kids to daycare then crawl into bed till an hour before they got home help with them then back to bed or into a book. Now I can get up get them ready and stay out of bed other then my catch up nap, but being constructive with my time is still proving tough.

Now if I could just get a good night's sleep?

I see the black wave.......

So today I realized the depression stage is coming around again.

I was shopping for presents for Christmas, some thing I usually love doing. But on my way home I found I was numb, blank, just doing a job. That's when I realized what was coming, the black wave of depression.

Time to start making schedules for myself things I must do each day. Things to keep me going.

Strange as it may seem to some of you, I have to plan for theses ups and down else I can do damage to my family, manic i spend to much and depression i wont get out of bed for days, so I plan.

I declare war on my own self in a way. To fight against what i feel and think so i can still carry on as the me in my head plans.

I call depression the black wave for me first I go emotionally numb, grey, neither happy or sad. Like the emotional water is being pulled from my mind into the wave that will crash sending me into the black of depression.

This is the hardest time to stay on my medication as I don't see a point to do anything during these times, I become more robotic then person, I'm locked in my head drowning in the black numb. I take care of my kids and husband as best I can during these times. They are my life line in the cold dark waters of my mind.

So I schedule. get up dressed my life becomes a To Do list that I tick off.

Has my medication levels stabilize again I wont go as deep into those cold waters but I still prepare. Just in case.

leave a comment about what you would like information on or your own way experience.

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the rainy day debacle

If there is one thing i love is being able to curl up on a rainy day and read a good book.

but

my little miss is still ill yet full on energy.

I planned to brush out my dogs, study and other such things that won't make me feel worse due to the ill feeling from the medication change I'm getting used to. Instead I have been running after little miss trying to keep her out of mischief.

Her favorite place is her big brother's room, playing with trains and blocks. Which is fine till she starts to hide them all under her bed. Another Favorite little miss activity is to empty the kids bowls and plates from the kids drawer onto the floor, more washing up is not what i need.

So now I'm waiting for my hubby to drop in with some more lactose free milk so little miss can nap and i can have a cuppa, a shower and get some cleaning down before i have to cook dinner.

My mood isn't to bad today more just the ill feeling is getting annoying.

I'm off to see if little miss is still on her char having a snack....

Till later

plans and derailments

So with everything I have to catch up on ...study, house work, brush out the dogs, Christmas....

My little girl is at home again sick. This doesn't mean she isn't still a force of nature, running jumping and messing up the house.

With a new medication schedule to get use to this isn't what i would call a good time to have a sick child , not that its ever good, it just takes a lot more effect on my part to get things done. Believe  me when its already an effort finding that something more to help me stay focused is not easy at all.

It is 3 in the afternoon and i'm still in my pj's, she has been feed changed repeatedly and entertained, flash card playtime and had a story. Mm housework is undone, study not complete but my little girl is napping like the angel she is.

My between the headaches and sick feeling for my medication, I had to make a choice. This is what annoys me about my bipolar. Medication ajustment take me a few bad days to adjust so i have to choose my focus. Ic choose my little girl.I always choose the kids first. IT hard cause i know while the house is messy (with a house inspection on Monday, and all the other things undone the stress is coming and that for me is bad. I don't do well with stress.

Its like putting my moods under and magnifying glass and being bipolar they are already outside the normal range.

I am reading what i call my parenting bible for the millionth time. It is called Stress-Free Parenting in 12 Steps by Christiane Kutik

oh how i love this little book. it is short sweet and works, omg it works. I re-read this book cause one. I'm forgetful and two I always need a refresher when it gets hard Like when my son has learnt his first swear word at daycare (he is 3.). Oh yeah and he gets stuck on repeat!

Well I'm off to try and get housework done like a mad lady while little miss sleeps.

so leave a comment if you have questions about bipolar or anything I am more then happy to help. :) or post on a particular topic.

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