Today is my little boy's fourth birthday.
He is a joyful intelligent little fire cracker. I adore him. His cheeky grin, soft smiles, his questioning mind, his gentle heart, how he looks at the world with wonder to his adventurous spirit, I love him so much!
As much as I celebrate the Day he entered the world and my life, I also feel a sense of loss and sadness for the years I haven't been well enough to be as present as I wish I could have been. The Times I could barely get out of bed, could barely function to look after him til my husband got him, or was so manic I wouldn't be able to focus my whole attention on him, I would make sure e was feed safe and happy but I wasn't fully in the moment my mind would race hundred different places. He was my reason to fight, to strive to be better then yesterday for those years and when I had his sister the reasons strengthened.
He holds nothing against me, he looks at me as if I am his whole world. Now to forgive myself and let it go.
I am now present, I still have bad days and I still fight to give him and his little sister the best i can.
Bipolar effects not just the person with the illness but the whole family. Husbands, wives, children, girlfriends, boyfriends, the list goes on.
Happy Birthday my Little Man.
You are my world, my reason and my joy.
I love you with all my heart.
He is a joyful intelligent little fire cracker. I adore him. His cheeky grin, soft smiles, his questioning mind, his gentle heart, how he looks at the world with wonder to his adventurous spirit, I love him so much!
As much as I celebrate the Day he entered the world and my life, I also feel a sense of loss and sadness for the years I haven't been well enough to be as present as I wish I could have been. The Times I could barely get out of bed, could barely function to look after him til my husband got him, or was so manic I wouldn't be able to focus my whole attention on him, I would make sure e was feed safe and happy but I wasn't fully in the moment my mind would race hundred different places. He was my reason to fight, to strive to be better then yesterday for those years and when I had his sister the reasons strengthened.
He holds nothing against me, he looks at me as if I am his whole world. Now to forgive myself and let it go.
I am now present, I still have bad days and I still fight to give him and his little sister the best i can.
Bipolar effects not just the person with the illness but the whole family. Husbands, wives, children, girlfriends, boyfriends, the list goes on.
my lil munchkin and our pup
Happy Birthday my Little Man.
You are my world, my reason and my joy.
I love you with all my heart.
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