I'm not your average, God made me with different wires

But you dont look sick....

I never will look bipolar. its in my brain, my head.

The Sane easy world the rest of you take for granted is a world I have never tasted. The rollercoaster for me never ends or tires. I want to get off be normal like you. I wake take pills when I go to bed, take pills when i wake just so i can see normalcy and wave. I'm NOT dangerous, i'm different. 

I see the world a different way, come walk a day in my shoes then tell me what I can and cant do, to pull my socks up to just get out of bed. My intentions and reality seldom talk with out agruement, sometimes i win sometimes i lose, but i never stop fighting myself for each step.

Dishes are done one week and not the next maybe because I had to choose what I would make an effort to fight for, kids and hubbyand my dogs forget the housework might just be all I can do to cope during a really bad time, dont think you need to show me how bad it is cause I already hold enough self guilt and loathing during those times that you dont need to add to it.

Instead help me carry the load. So when I can carry on I dont have a mountain to climb first.

This is my blessing and my curse. This is my cross to bear. Please dont tell me you know my bipolar cause you know someone else with it, we are as individals experiancing this illness differently. Please dont say you know bipolar cause you watch a hollywood movie, they are make believe for a reason. Read a leaflet but realise that is a general overview of my condision.

I am not just Bipolar I am ME just as someone else is not just Diabetes they are a person. I have diabetes of the brain both are chemical and both are of not fault of the sufferer.

Dont question every move i make based on bipolar, you didnt before so why change?? 

Sometimes I will need space from the world as I am tired from the fight. Sometimes I will want to party with you all and take on the world. and sometimes I can't get out of bed even if its all i want to do. 

Watch stephen fry's doco then talk to me about it and let me explain my reality to you.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/stephen-fry-the-secret-life-of-the-manic-depressive/

Please remember, I have just recently got a name, a face of my own demon I have fought in silence for years. I'm scared and confused as everyone else. It is not easy to find my way and good days and bad come like waves as I try to find the rock under my feet through the shifting sand. 

But remember...I fight to say in the light. I war against my self for my successes but this fight makes me stronger day by day. I have a big enough battle every time I wake with out fighting your idea of me. Learn who i am not what you think I should be.

I'm not your average, God made me with different wires, I'm still working out why.